why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
