We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
