Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
