some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize