Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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