even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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