Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
