I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
