You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
