If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
