i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
