Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
