Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
