I could make wine with my vomit
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
