So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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