Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
