Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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