why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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