seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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