dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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