"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
