everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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