Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
