I cannot find my penis.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
