I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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