The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize