pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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