I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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