you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
