And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so let's talk penis.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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