i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I love having hate sex.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
