I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
