He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
