Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
