I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
