how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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