I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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