if i died would you start the facebook group?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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