Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
