I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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