Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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