Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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