Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
