How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
