smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
