why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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