There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
