Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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