Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
