Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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