Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
