Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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