i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
