then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
