This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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