So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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