Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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