Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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