Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize