Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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