if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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