JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
