He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
