He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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