if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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