thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
