i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
