You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize