come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
